Mother of the Year: Tip #1

If by some miracle you find yourself having a shower alone - without threat of a screaming child wanting to join you, without having to listen out for the outraged screams of a baby discovering upon waking that he’s (god forbid) alone - enjoy it. I mean, SERIOUSLY enjoy it. Not only will you have ample time to shampoo AND condition, but it is one of the very rare times you will have to yourself and for yourself. These occasions are usually only available on the weekends and for the bargain price of a shitty nappy change (which considering you are already doing between 2 and 4 a day, is a non-issue). Make sure to use all those tubs of lotion, scented sprays and the various scissors in the cabinet as once it is over, you are expected back at your full time job for another week’s services.